There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
