what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
