hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
