What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
being pregnant is like rehab
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
