If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize