So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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