Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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