we have officially lost it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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