Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
