I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
