the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
