At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
