I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
