dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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