it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
