I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
