So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I supernannyed him into submission
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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