I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
