I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
did you just send me my own nude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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