maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
