she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
