im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
