the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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