last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
