Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
