Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize