In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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