Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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