It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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