I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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