He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
