I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
