Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
