***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize