my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
