U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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