worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
