they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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