Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
