I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
