Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize