went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I did not marry a roomba.
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