if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
