Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
