i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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