he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
