I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize