I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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