I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
