hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
