So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
