Porn is love you can see.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
