i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
