actually, I'm a sock model
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to make out with him forever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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