alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
