Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have feelings that need drinking.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
