I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
