id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
