You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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