I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
