I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
