i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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