I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You dont lie about slip and slides
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
