u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
