Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
