How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
