My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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