I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
