Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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