youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
