I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
